He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
