I've blown a few things in my day
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there was a trapeze. enough said
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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