i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
