I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
