Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
