im about as happy as oj after his trial
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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