Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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