Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
