you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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