you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
