Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
