So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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