Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize