shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
