just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize