I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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