I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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