Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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