My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I have post one night stand depression
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