Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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