You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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