The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
