Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
