I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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