I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
