we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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