I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You are the jesus of drinking
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He did a backflip because drugs
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
