you didnt know i had herpes?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
