Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
