You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
