Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We need a shit load of segways right now
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
