Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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