On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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