Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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