My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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