his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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