She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
