allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
