what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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