I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
