TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
