Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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