So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
