lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
