You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
the raccoons are back...
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