Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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