apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
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