awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
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Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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