I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
