I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
