My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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