I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
