I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize