I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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