...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
