you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
