is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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