Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
