It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
