tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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