one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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