Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
