2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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