Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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