so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
