worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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