Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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