1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
