birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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