I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
