Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
