i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
