So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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