I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
