So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
