Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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